It's hard to find a woman who has not, at one time or another, felt frustrated by her partner's parenting style. New mums often exchange more war stories about their husband's approach than the number of nappies they changed in the last 24 hours or how much sleep they are (not) getting.

Nonetheless, while men are often more aware of who's about to score a goal than who's crying, more interested in how to edge their lawn than how to dress their children, there are areas in which I feel that their style can prove quite valuable as new parents make the transition from a couple to a family.

General Coping

Mothers worry - it comes with the job. However, women often approach parenting as though Perfectionism Required is the first item listed in the job description, and that increases the worrying and anxiety tenfold. I will admit that there was a day when I became so tense over the chaos in my home that I actually rang my husband because I felt I needed to contact him immediately to let him know that it was unacceptable not to replace the toilet paper after he used the last of it. His response: "I don't understand what the big deal is. It's in the linen closet." Sure, but the linen closet is upstairs and I'm already on the toilet! If you can believe it (and I'm sure you can), he then matter-of-factly suggested I store the toilet paper somewhere different in the future, as if it's the storage location that is the problem!

The "roll with it" attitude that men often maintain frustrates their other half from time to time but as much as it pains me to admit it, there seems to be at least some merit in the male approach as it appears to allow one to maintain an emotional state with peaks and valleys far less dramatic than those of the newest roller coaster at Alton Towers. So, as long as there are at least two nappies in the house and we have some food for tea, I personally am trying to let more things than usual slide off my back in the high strung department.

Traffic Control

Men seem to have cornered the market on strategies for appeasing every would-be visitor of a new baby. They are able to coordinate the endless stream of well-wishers while keeping a smile on their faces and a proud swing in their steps.

Women, however, often sit on the couch worrying about who will show up next (and when), if she'll still be in her pyjamas, if she'll have a breast hanging out when they arrive, if they'll be dumb enough to ring the doorbell and awaken the baby that she just got to sleep, or if they'll notice the path of dirty laundry from the steps to the washing maching?

One of the biggest benefits of a man's laid back attitude is that he's not likely to argue with your needs, especially when he knows your hormones are raging and he therefore barely recognizes you anyway.

Inform your other half early on of the ground rules with regard to visitors. If you would prefer that no one come over before 11:00AM, or if Saturday and Sunday are the only days on which you are willing to accept visitors at any point in time, communicate that. If you feel that you need an hour's or a day's notice, mention that as well. Let him worry about the details of who's coming when (and what delicious dinner item they are bringing).

Remember, if at any point visitors are expected and you suddenly feel you cannot entertain them, you have the perfect excuse to stay in bed. They need not know you've got a great magazine and a newly rented movie in there with you!

Sleeping Soundly

If, especially during the period of teaching our children to sleep by themselves (for more than twenty minutes) women could learn to sleep as soundly as men - in other words, would not hear a bomb going off outside their bedroom door - they would not have to single-handedly bear the burden of hearing their babies cry themselves to sleep as they sat outside their room convincing themselves through muffled sobs, "She has to learn to sleep. This is for her own good."

If women could sleep as soundly as men, not worrying about the fact that the baby might wake in two minutes (or two hours), I feel that they would reduce the exhaustion-induced puffiness under their eyes by at least 76%.

If women could fall asleep in front of the television as easily - and as often - as men, we would definitely log more hours dreaming than wondering when we'll get to the Supermarket.

Men sleep well. My husband says it's because he has a clear conscience. I cannot conjure up a single response to that. I'm too tired. Women get into bed and think…and worry…and think…and worry…and plan…and doze a bit…and wonder why the baby hasn't made a noise in 27 seconds.

During those times when you're feeling really exhausted, it's important to make sleep a priority. It may mean turning off the TV before the programme you've been looking forward to, or dozing off for thirty minutes instead of checking your e-mail, but in the long run, it's a trade-off worth making. And it will save you a fortune in under-eye concealer!

General Appearance

While they don't have to worry about being sicked up on or having baby food thrown at them, most men leave the house each morning and return home looking relatively put together.

I'll admit, whether I'm working in or out of the house, I'm far more comfortable in a pair of baggy sweats with my hair in a ponytail than I am in the adorable new heels being worn by every celebrity in Hello magazine, a cashmere poncho, and full makeup. However, most professional organizers profess that one critical component to feeling organized is getting dressed each day. And they probably mean in something other than sweatpants.

Luckily, there is a middle ground between baggy comfort and opera-night-worthy attire. Be sure to allow yourself a few weeks after your baby is born to lounge around in whatever you want all day and all night. This is one time when you have complete permission to wear whatever makes you comfortable. Beyond that, ensure that you have a pair of jeans (without holes in the knees), some comfortable trousers, some unstained shirts you feel good in, and some flattering lip gloss. I've read that having a makeup routine that consists only of lip gloss can make your face appear brighter. And comfortable shoes are critical. If you spend a bit of extra money on anything, spend it on shoes that look good and will keep you blister-free.

Quality of Life

Variety in life is a key to survival, especially as a new mom. Women believe that men often take the little luxuries such as a morning shower, monthly round of golf, or occasional dinner meeting for granted. These small treats can make all the difference to a woman who suddenly feels as though her life has become completely one-dimensional.

One thing I've come to accept is that by and large, men simply refuse to give up those things that are important to survival. A shower is important on a number of levels, and so is getting out and doing something for yourself once in awhile.

Be sure to make time for at least one personal outing or bit of time for yourself each week. Men are often hard-pressed to give up their weekly football match or hour at the gym each night. Don't give up time that you could be spending doing something for yourself to do the washing. Go to the bookshop, sit in your bed with a good magazine, take a walk, or join a gym too. Find something you look forward to and vow that you'll cancel only if you're ill.

Staying Well Nourished

My husband often calls home late in the afternoon to check in. Shortly thereafter, he becomes the recipient of irritated remarks regarding the fact that it's going so badly that I haven't had time to eat so much as a chocolate biscuit. He rarely offers me much sympathy in this department because he is insistent that I must> make time to eat. Frankly, he's right. There may not be time to make a gourmet meal, but finding something that can be made quickly (and eaten with one hand if necessary) isn't as hard as I often make it out to be.

It's seldom easy to find time to eat. You must make time. Microwaveable meals work well for lunches. Another option is to make breakfast and/or lunch the night before so that all you have to do is open the refrigerator and retrieve it. Frankly, you're probably more likely to eat a meal that you don't have to carve out time to prepare and eat.

On Sunday nights, cut up vegetables and fruits for the upcoming week. That way, it's easy to grab a handful. If there are no cut up veggies in the refrigerator and I have time to grab a handful of something, it's going to be a handful of M&Ms or crisps and the veggie alternative is certainly better on a number of levels.

Katharine Hepburn once said, "Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should live next door and just visit now and then." This is a fabulous idea; unfortunately, I can't afford to pay mortgage on the house next door in addition to my own! Men's and women's approaches can be so different that it's nearly impossible to determine how opposites ever attract.

But as mothers, one thing is for sure: we are usually very good at latching on to any opportunity to make our lives easier. Perhaps taking a few minutes to appreciate the potential value that could be gotten from tactics that we find so frustrating would lead us to a new trick or two to help us get through our days!

Now, if only men would invest a bit of time in understanding the importance of replacing the empty toilet paper roll.

Elizabeth

Elizabeth Lyons is the author of Ready or Not... Here We Come! The REAL Experts' Cannot-Live-Without Guide to the First Year with Twins.

For more information you can visit Elizabeth's site at www.elizabethlyons.com

You can purchase the book through www.amazon.co.uk

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