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"I believe that postnatal depression affects many women in one form or another.
What I found particularly hard, was the lack of openness about the subject,
it was almost taboo. As no one wanted to talk about it, I felt that I must have
been the only one struggling, which only reinforced my feelings that I was a useless
mother."
In this section we wanted to give women the opportunity to share their experiences and
feelings about postnatal depression in an open and honest way.
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I was euphoric after the birth of my first child, so the depression that came with my second was a total shock. Actually it was less of a depression, and more of an overwhelming terror that set in a few days after my daughter's birth (which was quick and easy).
I was afraid to be with my daughter, and yet afraid to allow anyone else to be with her. I felt so out of control of my emotions that I feared I might completely lose control of myself and do something awful to myself or to her. I mentioned to my health visitor
that something was wrong, but I was so screwed up that I was too afraid to talk to her about it properly. She didn't do the questionnaire with me that I know she should have done, but I probably wouldn't have been able to answer truthfully anyway.
For a few weeks I was so afraid that I thought if I told anyone what was really going through my head my daughter would be taken away. Thankfully the worst of it only lasted a few weeks and I somehow dragged myself through it (mainly because I knew that it was PND and I just held on to the hope that it would pass), but I still suffer anxiety sometimes when I'm alone with her and sadly I look back on those first few weeks of her life as the worst of my life, when they should have been the best. I should have got help, and I would urge anyone suffering to get help - I'm sure that the fears you have about what might happen if you do get help will be unfounded. You really do not need to be alone because others have been through the same, however bad it is. It does get better.
"I don't think
most women I know suffered acutely from
this, but most women have an understandable
reaction to this complete change in
their lives. To be honest I can't believe
anyone is surprised that women feel
like this. Your whole life is turned
upside down and no one prepares you
for the practical realities of this."
"I found my 'down' periods came
in cycles until my son was about 18
months old. It wasn't baby blues but
the Health Visitor said it wasn't Postnatal
Depression. There seems to be a huge
grey area between these two, that no
one really acknowledges or talks about."
"I felt how I think most women
feel after having a baby, tired, scared,
disoriented. I also did not have an
immediate feeling of love for my child.
I felt a huge sense of responsibility
and wanted to do my very best for her
but I needed to get to know her before
I felt I really loved her. I also felt
worse because I didn't think anyone
else felt like this, mothers didn't
seem very honest about their true feelings."
"I'd felt very low for a long time
before I talked to my Doctor. I feel
embarrassed to tell people that I have
postnatal depression and that I need
to take anti-depressants."
"I was prescribed anti-depressants
when my daughter was a baby. My doctor
was very supportive. He said to think
that the tablets where just helping
me cope with a bad patch. He was right
I didn't need them forever and I did
come out of the depression" "I
vividly remember my health visitor gave
me a questionnaire to fill in about
my feelings post child birth, obviously,
they were trying to assess how many
women were suffering from postnatal
depression. I remember going through
the questions. How often did I feel
frustrated? How often did I feel like
I wasn't in control of my life etc,
etc? To most of these questions I answered
'sometimes'. Then the next question
was 'Did I ever feel like damaging myself
or my baby?' I answered never to this
and it was true. This made me realise
two things:
That postnatal depression must be
awful if you felt this bad and I thanked
god that I didn't;
That if you didn't feel like this,
your condition wasn't so severe. However,
I still wished that there was more
openness and information about post
baby blues. Talking about it stops
it becoming a sort of taboo subject."
"When my eldest boy was born I
suffered PND for over two years. When
he was born I felt no maternal feelings
and spent most days crying and in complete
despair. My Health Visitor and Doctor
were sympathetic but I didn't let on
the extent of my condition to them.
My personal circumstances were difficult
at the time which may have contributed.
After two years I finally began taking
anti depressants and having counselling.
I want to let other mums who have
suffered know that they may not have
to go through this again with another
child. Second time round I was naturally
scared that the same thing would happen
but my GP gave me progesterone suppositories
and injections to take into hospital
and you take the first one just after
giving birth. The result was much
better than I could have imagined.
I felt full of energy and I was able
to enjoy and take in all those special
first moments.
By this point I also had a step daughter
and I coped better with three children
than I did with one. If you have suffered
with PND in the past please speak
to your GP about progesterone supplements
as they can make so much difference
in what should be one of the happiest
times of your life."
"I have 4 children and have
had PND twice plus depression during
the last pregnancy. I was told repeatedly
by both health professionals and written
articles, that it was essential to
get some time for 'myself'. My problem
was that I am married to someone in
the armed forces who was away a lot
of the time and I live about 400 miles
away from family. I would get so angry
with these people who assumed there
is always someone waiting on hand
to give you a break! I didn't feel
that I could lean too heavily on friends
as most of them had young children
too, as well as absent husbands.
I have to admit that I got very angry
and jealous of anyone who had family
around them. I probably took a lot
out on my husband (when he was around)
because although I knew his job provided
an income I was angry that it left
us on our own so much. Even though
I knew his job before we got married,
you never realise what an impact it
is going to have on your own life.
I have recovered from the depression
now, but I sometimes wonder how I
survived."
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A significant number of women suffer from postnatal
depression, which is a clinical condition. If you feel
concerned, you should not be afraid to seek medical
advice, by seeing your GP. You are doing to best thing
possible for both you and your child.
There are also a number of organisations
that offer support to women who are concerned about
how they are feeling or have been diagnosed with postnatal
depression.
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SUPPORT
LINKS
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Meet-a-Mum Association
(MAMA)
MAMA is a registered
charity which aims to provide friendship
and support to all mothers and mothers-to-be,
especially those feeling lonely or
isolated after the birth of a baby
or moving to a new area.
By attending a local
MAMA group, mums become part of a
network of women wanting to make new
friends and support each other through
good times and bad. If there is no
local group in the area, we try to
put mums in touch with other mums
on a one-to-one basis for friendship
and support.
MAMA also offers
specific help and support to women
suffering from postnatal depression,
their family and friends, through
a range of leaflets and information
sheets and our postnatal depression
helpline.
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For more information, please visit
our web site
www.mama.co.uk
or ring us on 0845 120 6162.
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The postnatal depression helpline - 0845 120 3746 - is open Monday to Friday between 7pm and 10pm.
Association for
Postnatal Illness
The Association
is a registered charity that can offer
advice and support to women suffering
from postnatal depression. This support
can include putting you in contact
with other women who have suffered
from postnatal depression and are
now well.
For further information contact:
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25 Jerdan Place
Fulham
London, SW6 1BE
Helpline - 020 7386
0868
Open
Mon/Fri 10.00am - 2.00pm
Tues to Weds 10.00am - 5.00pm
www.apni.org
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HOME-START
This is a voluntary organisation in which volunteers offer regular support, friendship and practical help to young families under stress in their own homes.
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2 Salisbury Rd
Leicester, LE1 7QR
0116 233 9955
www.home-start.org.uk
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PeriNatal Illness-UK is new charity for women and their partners and families, set up by a mum, Deborah Morgan-Graham, who suffered herself with severe postnatal depression.
Their Helpline on 01335 347599 is for mothers, their partners/husbands and wider family to ask questions and receive reassurance, advice or information about postnatal illness.
The aim of PNI-UK is to be available to women of childbearing age who have, or have previously experienced PNI, at times other than ‘office hours’. For reasons of confidentiality and early detection, they are independent of the NHS, or any other healthcare professional service.
Deborah has a web site with an interactive real time forum and is networking to draw attention to this issue with the aim that the government will make the resources available for women to recover properly.
www.pni-uk.com
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