Don't feel guilty for not having a bottomless purse. Especially if you are want to give them things you never had. It helps to be calmly honest; explain what you think is value for money and what is affordable. Teaching them the value of money is an extremely good lesson to learn.

When you say no mean it. If your kids know that you will eventually cave in they will keep trying. This can be the hardest thing to do. But remember you are saying no for a reason.

When you say no it may help to talk to your child about why. It could be that you can't afford it, or you only just bought them something last week. "Just because I say so" is sometimes not enough for your child to understand the decision. But be firm so you don't get caught in the trap of haggling if your child has an answer for everything.

Is there a compromise?, e.g. those pair of trainers don't come cheap but may be really important to your teenager and how they fit in with their friends. Is there a possibility of sharing the cost? If they have a Saturday job, or paper round you could offer to pay for ½ if they put in the rest. Or could you combine birthday and Christmas presents together if they were set on something? Again if your child is really serious about something can the family club together rather than buy individual presents? If you do this you may need to remind your child that they will not be getting as many presents if everyone clubs together.

Even if you say no try to show your child you understand how they feel. Sometimes as parents we forget how important something as simple as a pair of trainers or the latest football shirt can be. But to some children it can mean so much more - like fitting in with friends, or trying to impress. Even if the answer is no try not to be flippant with their wants and feelings.

Agree tactics with your partner. Agree on decisions and stick to them so you don't undermine each other.

Setting ground rules with your ex is important in the same way all decisions are, so if you have said no for a reason you know your ex will back you up. But if this sounds an impossible task don't let yourself get hett up if they buy the kids presents you can't afford. Remember all the things that you do give your child, like your time, love or simple but thoughtful presents that will be remembered long after the latest toy has been thrown away.

Remember that children change their minds every week with new crazes. Help them to see that they can't have everything they want. If they have a list, ask them to list presents in order of preference with a limit of five.

Is there anyone who can look after the kids when you go shopping? There is not always a babysitter to hand when you want to go shopping, but there may be times where you share babysitting so you can go shopping without the kids and avoid the stress of shopping with the kids.

Try to get out of the habit of buying something every time you go out and make treats be what they are treats. If you know your child will start asking for a new toy, take one of their favourites in your bag to distract them. Or if you know your child will want a drink or a snack pop some in your bag. They will soon learn that mummy or daddy's purse doesn't come out for them every time you go out.

Don't say yes unless you mean it. If your child asks you if they can have something and you feel put on the spot, tell them you will think about it so you can give them a final answer rather than break a promise which can be hard for your child to understand.

www.parentlineplus.org.uk for a Time to Talk leaflet and a few tips and hints on getting started.

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